Do you COMMUNICATE just to be HEARD or to be UNDERSTOOD?
How important is Communication to you in a relationship? If you had to rate the top 3 most important things in a relationship how would you rate communication? Do you feel that you are a good communicator?
Communication is important in every relationship that you are in. It is the heart that keeps the relationship alive. A lot of relationships fail because of lack of communication or being misunderstood. Think about various relationships you are in between parent/child, family members, marriage, personal, friends, work, and school. When there is a lack of communication or a misunderstanding it jeopardizes the success of that relationship or growth in that area.
We fail to realize that people do not always know how to communicate effectively. Just because you talk to someone doesn't mean you are effectively communicating to the point of clarity. Do you speak to be heard or do you speak to be understood? Most people speak more often just to be heard and fail at being understood.
There are a some things that we need to remember and consider when communicating:
The TONE of how your communication is delivered
The CLARITY in what is communicated
The ATMOSPHERE of where the communication is received
The RESULT we are seeking out of our communication
The WILLINGNESS to stop talking and listen after the delivery of our communication
Our tone of how we communicate can quickly impact how our communication is received or perceived by the receiving person. The tone will determine how what you are communicating is received. The tone will either determine if the receiver welcomes and embraces what is heard, or if your defense mechanism will rise up and reject what is heard all within the first 15 seconds of your conversation.
We also need to be more detailed and descriptive in our communication, so that the receiving person can be more clear on what you are trying to communicate. Sometimes we are afraid to show a little transparency, or we "assume" someone can read our minds and our feelings of how we want to be perceived. That is far from being true, because we are all uniquely created. We have different mindsets - we have different morals and principals. We were raised in different households and environments that mold our thinking and experiences.
Most of the time when we speak, we speak with an expectation of gaining some type of result. We usually speak to feel better, speak to be understood, speak to advise or educate, speak to express ourselves, or speak to share; but the end result is to gain something out of our communication. Practice communicating to be understood, not just to be heard. You will find that the better your communication skills are, the better the relationship will be. The more you put into it, the better results you get out of it.
In addition, though it may seem minor, the atmosphere in which you communicate passionate or important information is very important also. Communicating negativity may not be perceived well within a group environment, so it may be wise to wait until you are in private so there is more focus on what you are saying, instead of what or who is around you. Being around outside people open up doors for outside opinions, as well as heightens your defense mechanism to protect your ego. Sometimes you may find that taking a walk outdoors while talking allows the calmness of nature to mellow out your conversation, or sitting in a neutral area will help both of you be more attentive.
Last, communication is NOT one sided, it works two ways. As much as you communicate you have to be willing to stop at some point and listen to the other person’s communication as well. Communicating is a shared "equal opportunity". Remember, the only way you will know if you are clear so that you gain the results you are seeking, is to hear from the other person to know if you are understood. More often we want to be the speaker, but we don't want to be the listener. So, how important is communication to you? Are you willing to practice having better communication in your relationships? Trust the process, be open and you will gain more than what you will lose!
~La'Toya